I think its bad that I do not care, but I do not care.

I hate that people treat me like I am dirt and think its ok.

Has society forgot respect for humanity, and human life. Perhaps.

I tried and tried, but still these people prevail.

They say they love me but their words and actions do not.

I never thought I would be one to say these emtoional, nonsensical things. but perhaps I am indeed over this whole thing!...

I am over it.

I will simple fade.

aha!

It just occurred to me while proceeding to the ladies down the ward's corridor, I don't like to be jealous, I just want to know I am loved and I want to love like I never had before....

What torture to be alive sometimes.... sigh.... but I am alive, so I'm going to forget this all ever happened for now and just live...

alright, sydeny tonight.

MeL

I can only hold on for so long
*Listening to Ha Dias by Luca Mundaca

At work, listening to the cleaning lady, Trish, do her rounds.

Its hard trying to figure how I feel. I dwell on thoughts I shouldn't dwell on, I complicate matters where I shouldn't complicate matters, I'm a big ball of messy thoughts. Yes, a huge one. Love is elusive, it comes and goes. One moment I hate you, the next I love you, am I not capable of being consistent?

My idiosyncratic life is a play on a stage, the plot akin to some young yuppy who is turning 30 and is right on track to being a spinster. OK, albeit that fact I am no where near 30, I do however feel like a very big potential spinster. Go figure.
What is it I hear you say? You don't know what I am talking about? Are you not reading this right or did you just not see the above, I AM A HUGE BALL OF MESS. Love is elusive, it comes and goes. I think I said that already.

Just when I thought that maybe I've found someone, it just never falls through. Thing is, I am happy being single, but I don't want to stay single. I'm not over eager to "get with someone" - no, too cliche for me; but I do want to meet someone and just start being friends.

My issue here, is not that I am not attached, its that I don't even seem to have a direction. Sometimes I wonder if I am meant to be celibate, yes? no? I don't know.

I was happy being single for the last few years, sure I had the odd interest, but on a whole God had dealt with that part of me.

Something happened to me, something great enough to wake me to my current position. For the life of me, I can't figure that answer out.

Damn it, I just want to love and be loved; is it so hard? Fine, I give up.

Today's happenings....

Sound in the background: TV.

Ok, today I went to work and ended up with one patient again... he he... Tried to figure out my roster and erm, still figuring it out. :)

highlight of the day, I had a great Steak today at Hog's Breath Cafe with a bunch of really cool girls...

So now, trying to organise things for work tomorrow and then off to bed.

Early morning start...

I'm getting Broadband soon!!! :)

MeL

The Day of Tire...

Sound in my ears: The TV.

Ok, so I went to see Tara and her little bubby today and my has Charlotte grown! Now I have a nickname for her - Mochi Mushroom. :) She cries whenever I hold her, well, unless she has her bottle or sleeping. Other than that, she cries, I feel so used... hehe. :P

Aiight, off to bed, work tomorrow and I just realised, I've got dinner with some girls tomorrow night at Hog's breath too!... so I better sleep up my rest. :)

Night peoples.

MeL

Down the Coast...

Music listening to: Papo de Psicologo by Jairzinho Oliveira

I went down the coast today and had a great time just basking in the sun with a friend from uni. We had so much fun! :)

She introduced me to Solariuma and I tried it for the first time today, but I don't think I would do it again, it really was ok, and sort of a waste of money for me... but it was an experience and the tanning studio was kinda freakish cultish, I only realised it after I finished... I couldn't really explain why I had a heavy feeling when I left but I think maybe I might now...

But, besides that, we left the GC just in time to beat the rain and by the time we ended up back in Underwood, it was pouring!!! Thank God.

Ok, that was my day, off to Homegroup now... Have a great night guys.

MeL

Crazy Weekend...

Music Listening to: Happiness by BoA.

This weekend, I worked, it was so crazy and I am so tired today, I finally will have 2 days off and I'll be heading down the Coast tomorrw with an old friend from University, so that should be good! :)

This morning I went to work and I was assigned three patients, before you could say "Akuna ma ta ta means no worries", they were one by one all lined up for discharge. And then I was given a few more and they too were getting discharged... ha ha. I felt like the discharge queen today... :)

But its always nice to see patients go home, it means that they all ok. :)

Ok, off to go watch som asian drama again... he he...

MeL

Oooo... My bad....

(pic: MeL and Ivory in Kuai, Kona, Hawaii)

Music listening to: BoA

I just realised how long ago I left a post!!!! ah ha ha...

right, time to update my friends, I've been everywhere on the past month, including, Singapore, Malaysia, Taiwan, Japan and Hawaii, not to forget, Sydney too...

Happy New Year, Happy Birthdays (sorry if i missed yours!) and Xin Nian Kuai Le! :)

Ok, now I am working FT at the Mater Children's hospital and it has its ups and downs like anywhere else! :) But I love my work...

ok, I know this is like so so super short but my my, its too much to type if I want to fully update man.... i might have to change my blogging habits and do this regularly... besides, I love ti share. :)

Keep it tight peeps.

MEL

Like a Rose.
Song listening to: Hitomiwo Tojite by Hirai Ken.

Quote of the day: ~ Melissa T.

I will make it through.

Today, as stressful as it was, I learned one thing, its something gardeners call weeding. Let me give an analogy. If you were a rose, planted in the middle of the beautiful garden, with thorns surrounding you, then the gardener comes in and cuts all the thorns away; revealing the centerpiece of the masterpiece - you, the rose.

I know thorns and weeds, they're not really the same thing, but both are unwanted elements.

So today, I felt like the true emotion of my herat was the rose and I had all these other emotions surrounding and then God came with a wee whipper snipper, little handheld ones and trmmed away. So what was left was my true heart. I never felt so happy being so sad. At least I knew that I was not being clouded or stunted. That was enough for me.

As for the rest of the night, God help me through.

MAKE POVERTY HISTORY!

I'm working for World Vision tonight at southbank in Brisbane, Australia. We are doing a LIVE screening of the MAKE POVERTY CONCERT in Melbourne! Come join us! It starts at about 7pm, so be there or be square! :)